Your Saving Grace
by celinae
Summary: The hands of Destiny cannot be shaken and, as Sakura learns, she must live with the consequences. &...She doesn't really see her teammates anymore...& COMPLETE
1. An Inebriated Encounter

**Disclaimer**: So, theoretically, in order to own Naruto, I have to be a man, be of Japanese nationality (so therefore, be able to speak it fluently), and be able to draw manga.

Um... then I guess I don't qualify. At all. XDXD (And so, I guess I don't own Naruto…)

**A/N**: Hmm… this story is going to be one of the many, many clichés in the Naruto category. (:cough: Sasuke :cough:) And I won't even claim that I'm doing it more originally than the others, because I'm not. Although hopefully, my writing style is pretty good … XP

(There will be the "possibility" of a Sakura x Kakashi pairing, but the story itself is not going to be a romance.)

**12.23.05**: I changed the title and did one little edit with Sakura's "thoughts." Sorry for any inconveniences!

**Your Saving Grace **  
(**Note:** _Previously known as _**Reprisals**)  
_By celinae_

**1/3: An Inebriated Encounter**

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She didn't see her teammates anymore. In her heart, Sakura knew it was inevitable, but that didn't stop the crushing emptiness, the memories that sometimes floated back when she was stitching a wound or pouring chakra into a patient to mend their broken arm.

Naruto_, smiling eagerly up at her, his eyes glowing with a ridiculous hope, one she could never find the strength to crush._

Sasuke_, looking down at her as her vision turned black, the tears she hadn't known she cried blurring her view, but his expression unreadable all the same._

_Kakashi_…?

She wasn't sure what to think of Kakashi, the least noteworthy of the three. But he's the only one left in the village, Sakura reminded herself. Naruto was always doing some important mission or the other, and _Sasuke…_

Sasuke was dead, and not even Naruto could bring him back.

_Revenge_; the word played on her lips, leaving a sour aftertaste. She would never forget the look on Naruto's face when he heard the news, his face twisting into a painful grimace. However, she wanted to forget; didn't want to remember those shattered emotions that lingered whenever she looked into his eyes.

It had hurt her, too, when she learned of Sasuke's fate. But in those three years (which were then five, and now eight) Sakura had…

She winced as she gulped the alcohol down, burning her throat with its fierce, bitter taste. Normally she didn't drink, but that morning a group of undercover ninjas on a mission in the Wave country had returned. She had spent nearly fourteen hours treating the casualties, which ranged from mild to life threatening.

Sakura knew that she should be in bed, resting until she had to wake up again and face another strength-sucking day. Her muscles were sore from running to all the numerous emergency rooms, and her chakra stores were dangerously depleted, but—

She sighed again, staring into the convex bottom of her cup, where drops of liquor still clung to the glass. Wearily, Sakura fiddled with the cup, tilting it so that the overhead lights illuminated the translucent liquid. She felt so heavy and tired, but she couldn't go to sleep – not yet.

She reached into her jounin vest and pulled out some bills, pushing them across the counter before, reluctantly, lifting her body out of the barstool. The night air woke her up a little, but she walked slowly anyway, afraid that a fast pace would make her legs collapse.

Sakura had always prided herself on her ninja skills, but she was so tired, and could barely concentrate on moving her feet. So it wasn't much of a surprise that she actually crashed into him before registering that: a) there was a body walking in front of her; b) it was a man's body; c) it was a jounin's body; and, the hardest, d) it was Kakashi's body.

If it had been any other day, (_or,_ Sakura decided after several rather pessimistic thoughts, _if she had been several years younger_) Sakura would have said a guarded "hello" and "how are you doing," before going on her way.

But really, Sakura didn't know where she was going. Or, more likely, all her thoughts on her destination were replaced by groggy observations that she would have been better without. Such as observations about how Kakashi seemed so much more solemn in the lurid lights of late-night bars and how his white hair shone in the faint moonlight.

Finally, her ninja senses caught up to her (_tell me again how I managed to survive so many rescue missions?_), but the alcohol kicked in (_finally… although I wish the rate of diffusion had been just a bit faster…_) and made her stumble, her head swinging forward and colliding with his chest, while her hands hovered uncertainly, suddenly flustered by her position. (_Although how my hands can be flustered in this situation when my head takes forever in getting to that point… this situation defies the rules of biology, dammit_)

From what she could tell of his widened eyes and tense body, Sakura knew he was surprised. She was surprised, as well.

"Kami-sama really has no sense of humor," she muttered, extricating her strangely leaden head from its landing amidst painfully bulging scroll pockets.

"Haruno-san… I didn't expect to meet you here," he said, his hand reaching out to steady her as she swayed on her weak legs.

She licked her chapped lips and smiled weakly up at him. "Y-yeah, I didn't expect to find myself here, either," she replied, before remembering the proverb, "think before you speak."

What, so now she was some pathetic teenage girl with over-inflated expectations of life? Sakura suddenly remembered the reason why she never went willingly to parties and social gatherings; she had the ability to screw up tons of conversations with her ill-timed replies. _(Maybe in another life, Hinata and I were sisters…)_ the funniest

"Well, I'll help you home, unless you're okay, Sakura-chan?" For a moment, Sakura was miffed at the almost derogatory honorific, but her ankle trembled and she bit back a cry of pain. "Here…"

She suddenly found herself being carried in his arms as he ran over the rooftops She would have protested, but she was _so tired…_

Occasionally he looked down at her in concern, but she ignored his gaze and closed her eyes, unconsciously seeking the warmth of his skin through his uniform. Turning away from the chilly breeze, she was surrounded by the memories his scent brought up, a comforting blend of sweat, clean laundry, dirt, and pine.

Or… ginger… 

Her thoughts were interrupted when he set her down, gently, in front of her door. Her muscles twitched in exasperation, because she really wanted to get inside and escape the confrontation that was sure to come (although soon, Sakura had no idea, and really hoped that it would be when she was sober and well-rested enough to make up some good excuses), but, the thing was, Kakashi was still holding on to her.

Or really, her half-dead brain decided to point out, that _she _was the one clinging to him.

He didn't say anything, just watched impassively as she trembled from the freezing temperatures. His unreadable expression brought up the memories she had tried to keep at bay, but she couldn't look away.

He didn't look that much different from when he used to be her sensei, but from her proximity she could see one or two faint wrinkles at the corner of his visible eye, and a few strands of hair near his hitai-ate that glittered (_Kakashi's version of gray hairs?_ Sakura wondered).

Sakura, on the other hand, knew all too well what she looked like. Desperate, broken, drunk, worn out… all the characteristics that she had never believed she would never display. She knew that was what Kakashi saw, and although Inner Sakura briefly surfaced and demanded that she put on a fake smile and smarten her appearance, the older and more tired Sakura couldn't give a damn.

And really, the only thing that mattered in this dark and mercilessly cold night was that Kakashi had his arm around her waist, and her hand was curled around his neck. His skin felt so smooth and hot beneath her fingers, and she could feel his pulse beating erratically, the only sign of his discomposure.

Sakura stared for another second into the dark glimmer of his eye, watching him with an almost sad surprise, before uncurling her hand from around his neck and rummaging in a few of her pockets.

"Shit…" she murmured, contemplating what to do now that she couldn't find her house keys.

"What's wrong?" His voice was almost hoarse, and Sakura looked up again at him detachedly, re-checking every pocket of her pocket-covered vest. "I-I can't seem to find my keys."

He smirked then, and Sakura could just see the tilt of his mouth under his mask. She tensed as he reached around her, thinking that he was going to molest her, or something equally perverted. (_Except she didn't know why she was thinking this, and why she was thinking about why she was thinking that, especially since she really … did not want to know._)

And then he twisted open the doorknob, dropped the key ring in her hands, and waved nonchalantly as he walked away.

"Later," his indifferent voice reached her, "Sakura."

"Th-thanks."

Absently, Sakura wondered how the hell he had gotten hold of her keys when she was absolutely sure she had checked every pocket, and eventually went into her apartment and shut the door.

She dreamt of cold, emotionless eyes.

XXX

Across the street he watched the lights turn off in her room, and then disappeared into the shadows.

XXXX

**A/N**: The next chapter will probably be finished during the winter break. XP What can I say... I'm really angsty right now. XD


	2. Need For CoolLooking Addictions

**Disclaimer: **_Hmm... When writing this chapter, I felt like bursting in Japanese exclamations like "naze?" and "honto!" and "URUSAE!" and "iie."__ So… does that make me own Naruto?_  
No.  
_Oh, shut up. Nobody listens to you anyway._  
You do.  
_N-no! I don't! Go away:sobsob:_  
Can't escape your consciousness, now, can you?

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**A/N**: Mou… sorry it took so long! I had it done about a week ago, but I waited for chiguu-chan to get it back to me (I can't complain, since the school that she goes to is really hard, and she had a term paper, and sorts of other stuff… :hands cup of espresso to chiguu-chan:) Still, I have the basic ideas for next chapter, so I should be finished with it pretty soon! (Even though I should be working on my short story for English… GAH! XD) And so many reviews! (And 12 alerts, although no favorites, which is ... strange XD Not that I'm complaining! X3)

I'm putting a lot of honorifics in this chapter, so I hope you all understand what they mean.

**Warning**: excessive humor, angst, more humor, and very lame shock (of the cliff-hanger variety XP)

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**Your Saving Grace**  
_By celinae_

**Chapter 2: Need for (Cool-Looking) Addictions**

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At 6:00 AM on Tuesday, in Konoha, a twenty-one-year-old female medic nin, Sakura Haruno, was being awoken by her alarm clock. Now, while in modern times, generations of children and adults alike would have merely rolled over, grunted, and carelessly flailed their arms in the direction of the snooze button, in Konoha, alarm clocks weren't just … alarm clocks.

There were a few ninja who _were_ content with a simple alarm clock: a black box with neon numbers indicating time, a beeper set to go off at the desired time, and a small and hard-to-see snooze button. One must remember, though, that these ninja were almost all obsessive-compulsive geniuses, insane enough to think that any extra time in the morning should be used for more "useful" activities than sleep, despite its wonderful strength-restoring properties. For example, training to be strong enough to kill one's family-murdering, sadistically powerful older brother.

But the majority of Konoha did not have a personal vendetta against their brother, or were insane. These ninja were, of course, very grumpy in the morning, and hated being woken up. Snooze buttons were nothing against these ruthless snoring, fiercely drooling men and women, and so the alarm clock companies reached a consensus: they must create more imaginatively annoying alarms.

Which brings us to Sakura Haruno, who was in possession of one of these imaginatively annoying alarms. Ino had given it to her on her last birthday, before dragging her off to get extremely drunk on her first night of being legal. Sakura barely remembered it, though, and only dimly recalled a haze of brightly colored drinks and Ino dancing on a bar table without her shirt, which still occasionally gave Sakura nightmares.

The strangest thing about the alarm clock, though, was that it looked totally harmless. It was neon-pink plastic shaped in a sakura flower, and Ino had spent the entire birthday party yapping about its cuteness (even though Ino had given it to _her_).

But as Sakura quickly discovered, it was a demon in disguise.

An angst-torn and insufferably loud, wailing demon, which she was sure would eventually make her lose all her hearing. Sakura groaned and turned over, trying to muffle the squealing voice with her pillows, but failed as the whining grew even louder. She growled and sat up straight in bed, flinging her arm out to knock the infernal screaming flower off her night table.

"Would you SHUT UP already!" she screamed, snarling menacingly at the dented piece of plastic that cowered on the floor.

Sakura knew it was quite useless to glare and scream at an inanimate object, but she had the faint hope that maybe the sakura would get into its head (or pollen) that she wanted it to be quiet. And let her sleep for ten hours longer.

_And be late for work, _Inner Sakura reminded her.

_Hey, when have _you_ become all righteous and goody-two-shoes? Don't you want to sleep a little more, too?_

Inner Sakura didn't answer. _ Oh, nevermind,_ she muttered, disgruntled.

She sighed longingly, feeling the warmth of her bed make her sleepy all over again, but swung her feet out of the bed to get ready for the day (and made sure to step pettily on her alarm clock in the process).

Barely a minute later, she was racing on the rooftops, joining the throng of ninjas that sped on the roofs and terraces. The path was so familiar to her that she didn't even need to keep chakra in her feet to prevent herself from falling into the busy street below. It was just as well; she was going to need every droplet for all the healing that she was going to do today.

Distractedly she wondered why she had a slight hangover, and remembered going out to the raunchy part of Konoha for some good ol' oblivion in a bottle. And somehow, she stumbled back home, she deduced, recalling times when she spent the night in a bar, waking up to a swarm of empty glasses and a splitting headache.

She checked the time on her wristwatch and grimaced, quickening her strides to get to the hospital faster. Aya, her supervisor, and the chief medic nin of the hospital, was going to throw a fit if she didn't come on time.

Sakura sprinted through the people that lingered near the door, shouting out greetings as she weaved past her co-workers. Quickly, she darted into her office and pulled on her hospital uniform, and then hurried off to report to Aya.

Sakura tiptoed into the room carefully, but despite all her efforts, the large woman turned around and pointed a finger at her.

"Do you have anything to say, Sakura-kun?"

Sakura opened her mouth, but Aya had already interrupted her.

"I thought so. So… what's your excuse this time?"

"B-but, Aya-sensei, I'm n-not late… today," Sakura stuttered, her eyes wide with fright as Aya leered closer, her piercing pale eyes fixated on Sakura's.

Aya blinked, then whipped her head around to look at the clock on the wall, cursing. Sakura was about to slip away to start her shift when she turned back, smiling wryly.

"If you come late again I'll still yell at you," she cackled, and Sakura could feel sweat dripping down her forehead. "But today, you're safe."

She sighed and relaxed as Aya moved to her desk. "Your lunch hour will be cut in half today, because the Hokage says that another group of ninjas is coming back from the Wave Country. Shinji and Asuka are on missions, so there's going to be a lot of extra work, but if you're running low you can always ask Kiba for a soldier's pill. Oh, and don't forget to check on Ikari; he had a seizure last night."

She waved her away, absorbed in a document on her desk, and thus, Sakura Haruno began another day of work as a twenty-one-year-old medic nin.

XXX

_Really, I should start some hobby that makes me look cool. _

_Like smoking… because seriously, I have nothing to do during these breaks, except sleep, which will just make me even more tired when I have to wake up, or go back to work, which will make me look like a dork._

Sakura sighed and tapped her fingers on the chair's arm, her legs resting on the table in front of her. She was exhausted after three hours of healing, but even though she had looked forward to a chance to rest all morning, she really didn't know what to do with herself. After getting some coffee she sat slumped in the chair, waiting for the caffeine to kick in, but she still had ten minutes to go, and nothing to do.

"Ohayou, Sakura-chan!"

_Wait a sec…_

She sat up straight, looking towards the doorway, where a familiar profile stood. "Naruto-kun? What are you doing here? Don't you have a mission?"

He smiled and came closer, sitting down next to her. "Nope, finished it yesterday. Tsunade gave me a little vacation, and since I knew you had a break right now, I decided to catch up!"

She smiled back, her exhaustion, which had remained despite the coffee, melting away with the sight of his yellow hair and bright blue eyes. But the light shifted on his face, lingering on his suddenly _too_-bright eyes, and she wondered if it had been hard for him to come visit her.

_Hadn't Iruka died only a few rooms away from here? _

It was all too easy for Naruto to hide behind his grins and bubbly enthusiasm, and Sakura could only think, _why? _

_When had he disappeared behind it? And why… did I miss it…_

"Actually, Sakura…" He paused nervously.

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to become the Hokage."

"Really!"

All her previous thoughts were blown away with that statement, even though she had known it was inevitable. After all, Tsunade practically adored him, and Naruto had never made a secret of his greatest desire. It only helped that Naruto was one of the best ninjas in the village, and had aided Konoha with his skill on hundreds of missions.

Even if he was the Kyuubi, even if he had flunked the Academy's graduation exam three times, even if he had always lived in the shadow of his fate, he still the best of all of them.

Sakura wondered how he was going to manage it. And, _Sasuke… _

_If only… If only you were here… to see his façade, and understand the true Naruto beneath it. And maybe… you would save him from what he will become. _

_But, then again…_

_You aren't here, and you never will be._

She tried to smile. "Congratulations… Naruto-kun."

XXX

The break-that-would-not-end was finally over, but Sakura felt vaguely dissatisfied. She shouldn't be, she knew.

_And really, jealousy is going to get me nowhere._

It had been years since she felt this left out, when she was still a genin and had watched the rapid growth of Naruto and Sasuke into greater ninjas; while she had remained as "Sakura-chan," the ditsy, Sasuke-obsessed little girl.

The Chuunin exam, and everything that happened afterwards, had changed her from a child, but hearing that Naruto's dream had finally been realized made her feel small again. She never had a dream besides Sasuke, and certainly never planned to be a medic nin before she met Tsunade.

She was a jounin, it was true, but had achieved it only a few months ago, five years after Naruto. And even if Aya had told her she might have her position after she resigned, that was nothing like the certainty and importance of becoming _Hokage._

Sakura wanted to be like Naruto, who would be forever remembered in history as the Sixth. But really, she was just Sakura Haruno, a medic nin.

And yet…

_Perhaps there is something more to saving people then killing them._

XXX

_First the break, and now the day. When will it end, tell me, Kami-sama?_

Sakura was walking towards Kira's office, for the soldier's pill she so desperately needed. The day was far from over, but her chakra sources were almost gone.

She was also on her tenth cup of coffee, but the caffeine wasn't doing anything for her, and she was afraid that if she had to sew together another patient's arm, she might fall asleep mid-stitch.

"Haruno-sempai!"

"Ehh?" She turned to look at the novice medic who had called her, running down the hallway. "Another emergency?"

The young woman nodded as she skidded closer, and Sakura threw away her coffee cup and forced her muscles to a run, grinding out between hurried limps, "Just let me get a pill, I'm almost worn out."

Barely a minute later, the other nin stopped in front of a small hospital room. Sakura stepped past her, opening the door and striding in. She stopped when she saw who the patient was, lying in a tangle of blood-flecked cloth, with his usually white hair dusty and his face, or what was visible of his face, in a grimace of pain.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

_Why did she feel like she had, last night, dreamt about Kakashi? That strange déjà vu that appeared when she saw his hooded eyes…_

Her train of thought was interrupted as he opened his eyelid and feebly waved his right hand. "Yo… Sakura…"

She abruptly rushed over to his side and yanked away the bloodstained blanket to reveal his poorly bandaged torso. With skillful hands she pulled off the bloody cloth, and gaped at the wound that was exposed.

It was the shape of a fist, with lines of blackened flesh branching out from the blood-filled hole that could be clearly seen in the side of his stomach. There was only one jutsu she knew of that might make such distinctive damage, and—

"Only one other person knows that jutsu…" Sakura said quietly, her face drawn and her eyes staring intensely at the fist-shaped injury.

_Sasuke…_

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**A/N**: Told you, didn't I? XD But I'm not really going to deal with Sasuke himself (_celinae is abominably lazy; too lazy, in fact, to think up Sasuke's characterization_ XD).

Three more chapters to go! So, 'til next time! XD

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	3. Revolution of a Dream

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto. (Dammit. XD) Also, I don't own anything I quote (or unintentionally refer to)!

:_celinae bows_: And now, onto the story!

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**Your Saving Grace**  
_By celinae_

**Chapter 3: Revolution of a Dream**

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"Sasuke…"

She had said his name so many times throughout her life, with so many emotions, but now she said it with regret and pain.

Sakura had loved him once, hadn't she? Or, at least, had a huge crush on him. He never responded to it, so she knew it was unrequited love, like all of the other crushes on him at that time. But still, during the Chuunin Exam, when he had protected her, she thought just maybe, there was a _possibility_.

_Too many hopes, too many dreams so quickly crushed._

She sighed, leaning over the bar counter, slowly closing her eyes. She was going to cry, she knew. Even though he had, technically, been dead for three years, and she had never seen him in eight, she felt the ache of his death all over again. The proof of his sudden reappearance made her feel all out of wack, so she couldn't really be blamed for her current depression.

And just the sound of his name on her own lips brought back all of those too-few memories of her genin adolescence. The thought that he was still alive after so long made those emotions feel devalued, even if she had felt them everyday.

_But, that's my life, isn't it?_ Sakura sighed again.

Just a tangle of cheap emotions, vulgar desires, and the over-binding thread of emptiness and monotony.

XXX

She sat at the end of the bar, her pink hair hanging down over her face. She clutched her glass so tightly that her fingers looked pale from the tension.

The bartender had served many younger than she, but they had always been drinking for sport or pleasure. But… _this_ girl…

He knew people like her. The silent, angsty type, that downed their liquor in quick, bitter swallows, like medicine for a sore throat. They were the type of drunks who drank out of necessity, and not for pleasure. The bartender didn't know what she wanted to drink away and forget, but he did know that she was too young to have to do so.

When he asked, she lifted her head and smiled tightly, her eyes barely reining in their teardrops.

"You… could say… it was a guy."

"Ex?" he asked kindly, wondering why something so trivial would bring her night after night to the bottle. Her smile disappeared with that one word, along with her tight, fake cheeriness, and the hot tears dripped onto the counter as she turned her face downwards again.

"No. He wasn't ever my boyfriend. He left, and I tried to stop him, but he just …"

"Brushed you aside, didn't he?" the bartender finished, softly. She didn't reply. More tears fell onto the counter, but she stayed silent, her shoulders shaking under the deluge of her sobbing. He had a feeling that even though he had hit the nail on the head, she had not told him the full story.

Well, it was best if he didn't know. She was probably a talented ninja, by the looks of her vest and the shuriken poking out of a few of her pockets, and the man knew that the less he associated with ninja, the better. Sometimes they killed you for knowing too much, and he preferred not to have his life in danger just because he had comforted a crying, drunk kunoichi.

So he only watched her cry, and patted her on the arm. After a while, he gave her a glass of warm milk and sent her home with one of the staff, since it looked like she would probably stay in the bar the whole night, if left alone.

The last time he had let that happen, his boss had yelled at him, and his boss _really _knew how to yell. The bartender figured that he already lost most of his hearing simply by being scolded by him, and wanted to be able to hear his alarm clock in the morning, if he had a choice.

XXX

She would have rather stayed at home to torment herself about Sasuke, but the sakura did not give her any choice in the matter. Groaning, she fumbled on her night table for the alarm's snooze button (old habits die hard), and eventually growled, sat up, and punched it onto the floor. Although she didn't want to face anybody this morning, especially Aya, she forced herself to stay awake as she rushed through her morning routine and ran on the rooftops to the hospital.

Aya, however, didn't shout at her for being late that morning. Perhaps it was because she had learned the news as well, and actually felt sympathy for her. (_I mean, it _is_ quite a shock when you learn that your obsession-who-you-angsted-because-he-was-dead was actually alive_, Sakura reasoned.) Of course, the idea that _Aya,_ who enjoyed torturing her and cackling evilly at her discomfort, actually felt sorry for Sakura was truly hilarious.

In fact, Sakura would have laughed herself if she weren't feeling so damn shitty. Instead, she just managed a weak smile and went off to start her work, once again having to do healing of three medic nins. Sakura wished every once in a while that Tsunade would also send her off on a mission, but maybe she thought staying in the hospital would be more better for Sakura's still-ongoing training.

Or maybe she wanted to spare Sakura's life, but whatever the reason, Sakura was glad that Tsunade did it. She wasn't going to crawl through bushes and leap from tree to tree when she could stumble through the day doing crappy work and have a glass of whiskey waiting for her in the end.

XXX

For the whole day she dreaded that simple door, with its white haired occupant, but she knew that she couldn't put off his check-up forever. She had already spent most of the day tending to other emergencies, but Aya would have called it wasting time, since the seriousness of Kakashi's still not completely healed injuries made him one of the hospital's top priorities. Aya probably would have forced her to check on him first thing in the morning, but luckily she had eased up on Sakura a little, so she might be able to pull off one visit mid-afternoon rather than many throughout the day, (and not get punished later).

She decided to look in right before her break, so she had some excuse to flee if the situation got awkward, which she had a feeling it would. Drawing in a shaky breath, and closing her eyes briefly, she concentrated on relaxing her body.

_Stop… shaking… stupid… I mean, this is only just another patient, right? Even if he was my sensei, and is a lazy pervert, he's only another healing patient, and he asks embarrassing questions, I can just blow them off, since I'm the doctor here, and can order him to take some nasty medicine, or something._

_Oh, goddam-_

The door swung open suddenly, just as Sakura was deciding on whether she should flee or pretend to muster her courage any longer. A young nurse came out, humming, and then stopped when she noticed Sakura standing tensely in her way. "Oh, Haruno-sempai! Are you coming to check on Kakashi-chan?" she asked, smiling brightly. Sakura managed a tight smile, realizing that now she had no choice but to go inside. (Inwardly she wondered when the nurse and Kakashi had gotten on such good terms, but she dismissed the thought hurriedly, when it brought up several … images.)

She blinked, seeing that the nurse was waiting for her to move out of the way, which would mean that Kakashi could see her from the bed. She still had a little time; if she wanted to risk making a fool of herself, she could just turn around and sprint down the hallway.

_But that would mean making a fool of yourself_, Inner Sakura suddenly snarled. Sakura started at the thought, for Inner Sakura hadn't said a word at all since she had seen evidence that Sasuke was still alive.

'_Why didn't you—,_' Sakura began to ask her, but she snarled again. _Go in there and ask about his health, dammit. And then leave, and it will be over for the day, so that you will NOT make a fool of yourself! _

"W-why, yes, Hinako-san, I was planning on doing just that," Sakura said, her voice cracking slightly. She winced, moving out of the way so that the nurse would go away as fast as possible, and wouldn't see her blush.

Or see her brain sputter and collapse when she saw Kakashi.

Inside, she was raging at herself, wondering why the hell she was blushing, and why she was acting like a hormonally challenged adolescent, and about _why_ the _hell_ she was _blushing_.

_It's only a patient! Only Kakashi, only a pervert who doesn't care about one of his old, mediocre students_, she thought, panicking.

Kakashi sat up in his bed, his arms crossed under his head as he leaned against the headboard, and his Sharingan eye covered in an eye patch the nurses must have given him. For some reason, as she argued with herself and held tightly onto the clipboard the nurse handed to her, she felt his eyes watching her.

_The scorch of his gaze as it appraised her, as it thought with satisfaction on how well he had judged her._

She swallowed, her throat feeling thick as she looked down at his medical statistics. Stepping closer into the room, she turned slightly to reach back and close the door. It locked shut with a resounding click, but she didn't want anyone unnecessary to overhear the conversation that might arise.

The whole time, Sakura had felt the intensity of his stare, but when she finally looked at him, his only visible eye was shut. If he hadn't been sitting up on the metal headboard, Sakura would have thought he was asleep, just by looking at his relaxed posture.

She walked closer to the bedside, still looking down at his medical forms. "Has the wound bothered you in any way?"

"It really itches whenever I have the bandages on, and when I roll around in bed the skin feels very tender." Sakura was momentarily distracted by the perversity of that statement, and wondered if "rolling around" had anything to do with the "Kakashi-chan," until warning bells flashed in her head and started screaming "pervert!" and "obsessed!"

_Pervert! Obsessed!_

Sakura felt any unease directed at Kakashi disappear, as she got more and more peeved at herself. _Really, it's like I have a crush on Kakashi! Who, by the way, is, oh! Just _eleven_ years older than me. Besides, he was my _sensei_, and what kind of honorable teacher would even think _that _about his student? And I'm not going to even _mention_ that Kakashi really isn't an honorable teacher, (or even a teacher _at all_) because that is _NOT_ the point here, okay!_

Her mind was going in circles, and she was getting increasingly disturbed at her train of thought, so when Kakashi opened his eye to look curiously at her, she … snapped.

"First of all, you are not supposed to take off your bandages at ALL, because, in case you haven't noticed, barely twelve hours ago you had an OPERATION. Now, if you didn't know, operations for me mean at least AN HOUR of cleaning and stitching your wound closed, and then pouring in chakra to speed up the healing process. Every day, I have over NINEoperations to do, and by the end of the day most of my chakra resources are gone."

Kakashi's eye had widened as he saw her fury, the spit almost flying from her mouth with her sharp words.

"Continuing with that train of thought, the reason why your skin feels tender is because it takes tons of chakra to heal a wound completely, so I have to stop right after the skin scabs over, in order to not use up all of my chakra, and be able to regenerate enough the next day. Now, again, if you HADN'T NOTICED, your bandages, which are supposed to PROTECT your wound and HELP it HEAL, are off, and when you ROLL around or even TOUCH it, you STRETCH your exposed scabs.

"If you even THINK, that after almost TWO HOURS of trying to stop the blood flow and stitch your burnt skin together, I will GO through that AGAIN, after you ROLL in bed and BREAK the stitches, I'll just let you BLEED right on that operational table," she finished, her face contorted into a snarl.

She threw the clipboard down at his bare stomach, eyeing him angrily as he gasped at the sudden pressure on his scabbed wound, and then stormed off to the window to sulk at the sky.

After she had calmed down, she walked back more slowly and pushed him down onto the pillows. "When I come to check you again later today, you better not have moved from this position. And that means no rolling over, no leaning on the headboard, and your bandages, which I am going to put back on, better not have '_fallen_' off."

She carefully lifted his back, rubbed some antiseptic into his skin, and quickly wound new gauze around his midsection, making sure to completely cover even the irritated skin around the scab, where he had probably scratched the edges of the old bandages.

Kakashi had remained silent throughout her outburst and while she rubbed on the cream, but as she finished tucking in the ends of the roll of gauze he spoke up.

"You went drinking again last night, didn't you?"

She paused, her hands shaking slightly before she swallowed and tugged the last corner of loose cloth underneath the edge of the bandage. "What do you mean," she said evenly, her eyes slightly narrowed at his nonchalant look.

"Oh, you know what I mean. Going out late at night to some bar and drinking your mind away."

"I don't know what you're talking about, and anyway, I don't see how you would know, if I did."

"Oh, I know everything about everybody. I have my ways," he said, smiling mysteriously. Sakura felt peeved at the utter narcissism of his eye, the almost vain way it curved.

_Asshole_, muttered Inner Sakura, who was especially angry at how he presumed to know everything about her.

_That just shows how wrong he is,_ Sakura thought back, knowing that even if he had the Sharingan, the Mirror Wheels could never know every part of herself.

_There's only so far a mirror can go… in showing the outside of the person to himself._

"I'll make sure that the next nurse coming in with your pills gives you some sleep aids as well. Visiting hours will be over soon, and time can pass pretty slowly when you have nothing to do. You need your rest anyway, since it's especially important that your body doesn't waste the extra energy I gave it," she said, trying to show that she had ignored what he just said.

She didn't care whether he knew that she was just trying to get away, or even change the subject, since she really needed a large, very caffeinated drink. And besides, it was her break.

XXX

In the morning she lifted away the haze of her half-disappeared dreams and knocked the sakura off the table. It was raining outside, and Sakura, in her rush, had forgotten to bring her umbrella. She would have doubled back, but she would have had Aya's certain wrath, if she did.

So, she didn't. Anyway, she loved rainy days, didn't she?

The rain reduced everything to colors of gray, and covered the sky in a white veil, she noticed, as she went out on her balcony. Squinting, she teased out the thinnest tendril of chakra and looped it on the bottom of her already wet soles before beginning her run over the rooftops.

Konoha almost never had snow. It was the Fire Country, after all, and any snow that did get driven down from the North was instantly turned into rain under the winter sun. Add to that the normal harsh, bitterly cold temperatures, and the strong winds that came from the Wind Country in the West, and you could guess what kind of season winter was in Konoha.

"I need to get some… waterproof vests…" Sakura muttered, as she slid across a veranda and jumped on the balcony to the next house. Several times she would have certainly fallen, if it weren't for the extra traction that the loop of chakra on her feet gave her. Her hands were starting to go numb, even though she moved them constantly, in order to help her balance on the slippery rooftops.

She felt miserable, actually. It had taken her even longer to wake up this morning than before, and considering that the sakura's yelling was so loud as to wake her up completely in just seconds, that was saying something.

Well, it was certainly saying something, but Sakura couldn't remember anything about the night before. She tried to concentrate on remembering, but after a particularly close slip, she decided that she probably went to another bar, and left it at that.

XXX

The next time wasn't so bad. She didn't feel as embarrassed, because she knew that Kakashi wasn't really staring at her, no matter how much she felt as if he was. So, Sakura strode in confidently, with the clipboard from the door's shelf in her hands, and immediately deflated.

Because Kakashi, as usual, had done the unexpected. He stared intently at her as she came in, but she looked away from him at the medical forms and asked the customary questions.

The visit was following the same routine, but Sakura felt the difference so strangely. Yesterday, she had the impression that every move of her body conveyed a message, and yet she couldn't truly understand what the message was.

She shouldn't have been surprised that he asked the question again, and she should have been prepared, but she wasn't.

And he was right again, in that silently smug, I-told-you-so-way. Sakura wanted to close her eyes and disappear under the weight of her sorrows, but Kakashi was staring at her, so she couldn't do anything.

She couldn't say the truth, and she couldn't tell a lie, so _she ran away with the thin wisp of denial._

"Why would it be any of your business, anyway? Or, how 'bout this, I stay out of yours, you stay out of mine."

Kakashi rolled around in bed, breaking their eye contact for the first time, and Sakura felt tensed muscles in her back relax slightly, thinking that he had let go of the subject. She was heading towards the door when he replied, and Sakura had the overwhelming urge to ignore what he was saying and leave, anyway, but her body wasn't listening to her (as usual).

"You know you can't stop the need to pry into mine, though. After all, you can't get him off your mind, can't you? You want to know everything; what he said, how he said it, what he looked like…"

And it was true. He was right, _again_, and Sakura wondered when he had learned her so thoroughly.

_She didn't have anything to give in return, but she wanted to take all that she could._

"What about you? You watched me, followed me, didn't you? Only a freak does that!"

He laughed softly, cruelly. Sakura blushed, realizing suddenly what he laughed at. _I guess I can never escape my genin years, can I?_

"So, how about we make a deal? I tell you what you want, my "business," as you called it, and then, _I'll_ tell _you_ what your business is."

_To take, and take, and take, even the things that he gave her to swallow. All of those bitter truths._

"But, that isn't really a deal, since I'm not telling you—"

"Do you want it differently? Because you _can_ do that, if you want."

He had turned around, and both of his eyes stared at her in the shadows of the dark, rainy sky. Sakura stood still, entranced by their colors—cold steel and the furious red Sharingan—and yet, disoriented by them.

She had seen his eyes so many times, but this was the first time she could recall when he looked through them at her. Sakura smiled tightly, staring into those swirling colors and knowing what they saw. "You have bad logic, you know."

He smirked back. "Yes, I know."

XXX

Kakashi had settled back down onto the bed when she returned with a cup of coffee for herself. He didn't say anything for a moment, just looked out of the window where the rain still fell down. Even with several fluorescent lamps, the room was gray from the sky that peeked through the window.

Sakura sat in a chair against the wall, sipping her lukewarm coffee and waiting.

"He's different."

"It's been eight years," she said softly in return.

"Yes," he replied, mirth lighting up his voice. "Yes, it has."

XXX

_He's older, and crueler. He looks more like Itachi then ever, even though his face is still pale and his hair still sticks up in the back._

I wonder if he would like that being said to him?

_He probably wouldn't. Would you?_

No, I wouldn't, either.

_I… I saw him early in the morning, over at the borders. He had sent me a pigeon the day before, except I didn't know it was him. His handwriting doesn't look the same—the characters are stronger and sharper, as if he's grasping the brush like a kunai._

What did he look like?

_Hush, I'm getting to that. _

_He was a black silhouette under the trees until when he straightened up. And then he said, with a deeper voice, "I have come to kill you."_

_I said, "I know," and then he attacked. _

Did you really know?

_I understood it when I finally recognized him._

_Anyway, when I woke up again, I was at the hospital, and you took off my bandages (although I have no recollection of how I even got them), but I blacked out again. _

Maybe he wants just to spar with you…

_He wants to kill me so that I will know as I die. I was his sensei, after all. I wouldn't be surprised if he hates me just for that._

XXX

I don't love him anymore.

_Any long distance relationship will fade after that long._

I don't think I loved him even in the beginning. There was only envy and desire, and afterwards there was only regret. It may have been love, but it was a bitter, one-sided sort of lust, with so many other emotions, and not affection.

It… it wasn't enough to stop him.

_Naruto wasn't, either._

But, Naruto… he _loved_ Naruto. What I felt for him was nothing compared to Naruto… And that's why he wants to kill him, doesn't he?

And… it's why you're not going to tell him.

_Yes (and here Kakashi smiled bitterly, finally betraying himself)._

XXX

You still haven't said why you go out drinking every night.

I thought _you_ were supposed to tell _me_.

I tell you, then, that it's because there's nothing in this world for you except the endless cycle of healing and destructing. You're a drunk, because there's nothing else for you to do except wade in the memories you cannot remember. And that is why—

And that is why… you can tell me this, because you have forgotten.

It's a terrible thing to think of.

Still, that doesn't explain why you want to save me from what you _think_ is my nightmare.

_I can't let a formal student stray off the path._

You never taught me a path to stray off of.

_And that is why I have to save you now, when you cannot save yourself._

XXX

But I never said it was a nightmare.

_Yet you drink away every night so it doesn't haunt you. _

_(and here Kakashi leant forward in his bed, looking at her with his silver-red eyes, and she shivered because she knew what he saw)_

But why would you do all this for a former student?

_I never was a teacher in the first place._

You're contradicting yourself.

_And you're ignoring me._

XXX

Kakashi stood up, even though she hissed at him and rushed forward to push him back down onto the bed. He caught her arms and gripped them tightly, but Sakura could not break away from his embrace as he leant closer and closer, his hands scalding her skin as they cascaded down her back.

She felt the tangle of her heart open and close with every breath she took, while he hovered his mouth over her lips, and it took her a moment to realize that he was pushing the cloth of his mask down.

He kissed her as she was lifting her head to look at his uncovered face, and Sakura felt the tangle of her heart open with a strangled gasp.

_To take, and take, and take; and to be given only one second for the revolution of a dream._

XXX

It was only a second, but it felt like a thousand heartbeats, and she clung to him with her arms loped around his neck, her eyes fluttering in the fleetness of the moment. His lips felt so warm against hers, and she sighed against him even as she pushed away to escape.

XXX

She ran until she had gotten outside of the hospital's main doors, and remained in the rain until the water soaked her shirt, but she still could not understand why he had done it. Out of her three teammates, she understood Kakashi the least.

_That had never been a problem…_

_Until now._

XXXX

**A/N:** Yeah… it took a long time… But in order to make up for that, I wrote a tremendously long chapter for you! (I actually broke my record! XD)

I really hope you review this, because it took such a long time and so much of myself to get it out. It would be even more appreciated if you could help me become a better writer, by giving me constructive criticism! (And that turns out to be even better for you, since you'll enjoy my future stories more! XPXP)

There are a lot of discrepancies with this story, but I won't point them out unless you ask about them, so if you don't understand something, please, say so! (It just might be that I'm really bad at making up plots, but _sometimes_ I intentionally do stuff. X3)


	4. Interlude: The Taste Of

**Disclaimah:** celinae wants to point out that she doesn't own Naruto. Because, if she did, the newest chapters of Naruto would be _totally_ different (and better). Like, lots of evil Sasuke making out with Naruto, and KakaSaku action!

**KUKUKU! **XD

**A/N**: (To those who would have preferred this "interlude" as a one-shot, I thought that this was too tied into the YSG universe to be separate from the story, but too complicated to include in the plot I have already planned out.)

Sorry about taking so long! I waited for this to get back from my beta, but when I didn't get any replies for over a week, I had to edit it myself. However, school has suddenly gotten really busy, which doesn't make sense because it's the beginning of a new semester, so it took me a while before I could find some free time to finish this up, but anyway! Here it is!

XXXX

**Your Saving Grace**  
_By celinae_

**Interlude: The Taste Of--**

XXXX

_Sometimes Sakura thought she was in the past._

Late at night, just before she stumbled into bed, she stared at herself in the mirror, and she could remember that horrible, gaping emptiness, and the lust that crawled over her skin, but then she would blink as her image blurred and transformed.

Once she took the scissors from her cabinet and hacked away the hair she thought was there, but in the morning she found herself with the same messy mid-length bangs.

It should have scared her, but she was used to it. When she told Ino, Ino just shook her head and told her to lay off the LSD, and Sakura laughed, her voice strangely brittle in the loud bar.

Sometimes she lay in the bed and she could almost feel the flowers in her hand, and Ino smiling at her. Sasuke's surly expression, Kakashi's gentle touches as he adjusted her headphones, they all felt so _real._

It was only more painful when she was in the present.

XXX

It seemed that she recognized more names on the monument with the passage of time.

_Uchiha Sasuke_, whose memorial service had attracted nearly all of the village; _Akimichi Chouji_, who died in a nasty skirmish with some missing nin; _Rock Lee_, who she knew so little of, and yet had been so devoted to her; _Umino Iruka_, whose death had affected Naruto as badly as Sasuke's.

She recognized even more people mourning them, though she only came to the monument three times every year. Sakura would have liked to say that it was just a coincidence that she came on the day Sasuke died, the day he was born, and the day he left, but she knew it had something to do with her memories.

Anyone who knew her would have laughed, because she had never made any secret of loving Sasuke when she was younger, and yet now she didn't even acknowledge that she left flowers at the memorial on his birthday.

But it was empty from the start. An empty ceremony, as she stood in front of his name and wished. Empty, as she watched the sunset with empty eyes; empty as she walked away in the dark.

The silence crackled slightly as she laid down the flowers, the cellophane whispering in the breeze. As she crouched down she smoothed his name with her finger, the characters on the stone worn to her touch.

_U…chi…ha… Sa…su…ke…_

The syllables were smooth on her tongue, each slipping over the next one. Sakura straightened up and turned around, ready to leave. The sun was beginning its red path down the sky, but she paused, seeing another person on the path.

Ino looked tired, and worn, and Sakura thought that she didn't expect to meet anyone on her way, since her hair was messy and tangled.

_Sakura wondered, randomly, whether if she stretched her mind out, would her thoughts echo and overlap as well? _

She smiled back at the weak grin on Ino's face, and wondered if the ripples of the past would ever stop resonating.

XXX

Sakura stayed a little while longer to watch Ino place her own bouquet in front of the memorial. However, she didn't say anything, knowing that Ino was doing a silent ritual, not to be interrupted by petty small talk. It was the same as her own, except Ino had actually been married to Chouji for a year, so perhaps it wasn't like it all.

Since, of course, she hadn't seen Sasuke since he was thirteen, and barely known him even then.

But it was the same kind of longing, and since Sakura had lived nearly ten years of her life with it as her companion, she knew where Ino was coming from. She knew, too, that Ino didn't approve of her pining over Sasuke for that long, but wouldn't say a word to her.

Although that was probably due to Sakura beating her up the last time she had bad-mouthed Sasuke (which had been on her twenty-first birthday, which Sakura only knew about because Ino had found a "Sasuke is amazing, you bitch, so don't you say those words about him again" shakily written in permanent marker on her bruised back).

And Sakura would have followed Ino's advice, yet the question that kept bothering her: what _was_ her life without the past?

XXX

As she knew that both she and Ino really, _really _needed a night of forgetfulness and escape, she was the one who had dragged Ino off to their favorite bar. Which was a first, since Sakura had always liked to drink her sorrows away alone, and Ino had been the one who forced her to come with her (even when they still had been minors).

Ino protested a little, but she understood that look in Sakura's eyes, and knew that whatever she said wouldn't help a bit. In fact, it would probably make it worse, since now Sakura was trying to goad Ino to play a drinking game, and would take anything she would say and twist it so that she had no choice but play along.

"But, it's such a stupid game! And I don't even like sake, for that matter!" Ino burst out, grinding her teeth in frustration and wishing she had never taught Sakura _any _of her Powers of Persuasion.

**Power of Persuasion #1:** _State the obvious, and use those facts to your advantage._

"It's stupid, but it's really fun _because_ it's so dumb," Sakura said, grinning like three glasses of rum and coke.

"But I don't like dumb things! They're … dumb!"

**Power of Persuasion #2:** _Use the person's confusion/indecision to gently but firmly shove him/her in the right direction._

"Ino-chan, it's fun! Besides, it's better to try new things every once in a while," Sakura replied chirpily, waving for the bartender to come over.

"And I don't like sake!" Ino said, trying to interrupt Sakura as she gave him directions.

**Power of Persuasion #3:** _With your "gentle but firm" manner, take the unwilling person's last argument(s) and suggest "possible" alternatives that take advantage of your knowledge of what they do like, therefore leaving them with little choice but to accept your offer or risk sounding like a spoiled child. Repeat if needed._

"Then I'll get you some really sweet sake, is that okay?" Sakura smiled at Ino and then turned to the bartender for the last adjustments to her request, leaving Ino in a daze and cursing _whatever_ had caused her to spill her secret skills to Sakura.

XXX

Ino had loosened up a lot after that drinking game, though it probably was because she lost, and had to drink ten shot-glasses of sake in penalty.

But it was finally after the drinking game that Ino started her usual boy discussion. Usual, because even when Ino had been married, she still told Sakura, on their nights out together, about the current Boy Radar.

Ino tried to justify this by saying that only her husband might enjoy her body, but he couldn't stop guys from admiring her (and she them) in the street. But Sakura thought she had been just trying to make Chouji jealous, for Ino had been actually afraid that Chouji didn't love her as much as she did him.

Of course, now that Chouji had died, Sakura was surprised that she didn't swear off guys for good. Ino just continued the way she had when she was a bachelorette, except that she lived in the apartment that she bought with Chouji, and still wore her wedding ring on her finger. And her mother-in-law checked in on her every once in a while; bringing food so she wouldn't starve herself now that her consistent source of "nutrition" was gone.

"Ishida-kun is realli hott, u kno. I luurve his glasses, and the sewing shtuff he does is kinda cute, since, u kno, "housekeeping-man," and everythang," squealed Ino, who lay sprawled on the countertop and waved a glass of sweet sake in the air, pale drops splashing out of the small, clear cup.

"U-huh," agreed Sakura, noting that Ino sounded exactly like she did when she was younger, which sounded like she was speaking with all the wrong vowels, and the high pitches hurt her ears. Not that Sakura was going to say anything to stop her, because Ino in this stage would probably kill her if she did so much as lay a hand on her shoulder. She would have to wait until the alcohol really kicked in, and then…

"Kakashi is pretty hott, 2," Ino squealed on, and Sakura felt a strange jolt at the familiar name, her head twitching up to looking into Ino's slightly unfocused eyes.

"U kno, Sak'ra-chiyaan, u shuld think bout hookin me up wit Kakashi, since u kno him, an' all. Or… Or u culd evn hook up wit him urself! That'd b sooo kawaii, Sak'ra-chyan!"

Sakura blinked, her mind slightly shocked at the strange suggestion.

_Me … _

… _Dating Kakashi? A perverted, lazy sensei, who is nearly eight years and several hundred missions older than me…? But then, you can't deny that Ino _is_ kind of right about the hott-ness factor. _

_But, hooking up with a sensei? That's … just … really gross._

_But then…_

Sakura felt like gagging. Or banging her head against the table, but decided instead on getting something stronger to drink, while Ino babbled on about Hott Boyz, her words eventually slowing down, falling asleep on the countertop.

XXX

Sakura was plastered, and it felt good.

Or kind of good, she thought, as the world twisted and spun while she tried to raise her head from the counter.

"Oooh… Thass pretty…" Sakura muttered, and Ino snorted next to her.

"Yo, Sakura-chan," Sakura heard behind her, and instantly tumbled out of her chair in surprise.

Looking up slowly, she saw ninja sandals, then a long sweat-pant-clad, muscled and totally sexy leg, a muscled and totally sexy chest disappointingly covered in a jounin vest, a sexy neck and a chin covered by a black mask, an eye curved in happiness, and a totally _smehxy _head of totally _smehxy_ white hair?

Sakura decided she must be hallucinating, and was glad to hear Ino call out, "Hey, Kakashi-sensei," because _surely_ that meant that Ino was hallucinating with her, since Sakura had drank twice as much as Ino, so therefore…

Sakura wished she could fall off the floor, because then that meant that maybe, she could knock herself out, and wake up again when Kakashi-the-Smehxy-Hallucination was gone. And considering the amount she already drank, forget that the Hallucination had ever happened.

_I really, really hate those LSD flashbacks_, Sakura thought, wondering if she could knock herself out with the barstool, and then discarding the idea, since the metal of the barstool would probably give her tetanus. (1)(2)

"Strange to see you here, Sakura-chan, Ino-chan!" the Hallucination chirped, and Sakura felt like laughing hysterically.

"Yeeah! Isn't it strange that I'd get another flashback afta that _one_ time three years ago? An', it's a reeally smehhxy Kakashi-sensei, who 'haven't seen in even longer, and he's actin' like a Furby," Sakura muttered. "And Furbys are reeally scary, and Kamii-samaa! Do I need another drink."

The Hallucination blinked. "Um… Sakura, you're not—"

"Ino-chan! Le'ss play another game!"

"…tired…" Ino mumbled, her hands covering her ears.

"Well, le'ss go to my house! More booze there, and you can fall 'sleep on my couch, 'cept you can't throw up on my pillows, cuz I juss got some new velvet covers for them, and," Sakura prattled on, taking Ino by the arm and dragging her out of the bar, leaving the shocked Hallucination (hopefully) behind.

XXX

Two giant mugs of beer later, and Sakura had stopped thinking about the Sexy Kakashi Hallucination.

Instead, she was poking Ino, and whenever Ino grunted and flailed her arms in her direction, Sakura would laugh hysterically. Finally Ino sat up and growled at her, and Sakura, chirping happily, shoved a mug into her face.

But Ino suddenly grew quiet, and set the mug down on the table with unsteady hands.

Sakura knew what was next, her drunken high draining away and leaving the world shaking with emptiness.

"_Why are we like this?_"

The question brought up the taste of bile, and she stumbled to the toilet, leaving Ino staring at the mug on the coffee table. The room swum unsteadily and she leaned on the doorframe and hobbled into the bathroom, falling on her knees before the toilet. The lemony smell of toilet cleaner wafted up to her, in that brief second right before she gagged at the scent.

She let the tears fall as she retched into the toilet, sour vomit burning her throat, and again, she couldn't remember the answer.

_But she could only remember, and she could only wish desperately, for something that could never change._

XXX

They would never have been friends if it hadn't been for the past.

_Chouji is such a fat, lazy bum; I can't believe you were with him!_

_Well, I can't believe you're still pining over that bastard! And Chouji loved me, more than I can say for you!_

_Sasuke is everything to me!_

_Sasuke is seven years in the past! You have to forget him, because he will ruin your whole life this way._

_And what about you?_

_Now is just … _(my Purgatory.)

XXX

In the morning, Sakura was surprised to find an Ino comatose on her couch, with vomit caking her once-clean-and-new velvet pillows.

She felt like screaming her awake, but instead, after taking out her anger on the sakura, put a blanket over Ino to keep her warm. She would have to go to work, but Ino would probably sleep until mid-afternoon, so she left a note on the coffee table next to her.

As she sped along the roof, she smirked, thinking of Ino's reaction when she read the note.

'You're paying for the dry-cleaning of my pillows.'

XXX

The next night she slept with a man from a bar, and his touch on her made her think of when she went drinking with Ino. Except she couldn't tell what exactly made her recall the alcohol haze of last night, so she closed her eyes tightly as he held her close.

She tried to think of another man touching her the way he did, but even though she made herself not see, she could still sense other things, and they wrapped around her heart and suffocated them in their reality.

In the memories she couldn't escape, in the dreams she tried to forget, in the emptiness she tried to fill with bitter alcohol and dry routine.

_The smell of sweat, the smell of sex, the taste of sorrow._

XXXX

**A/N:**

(1) Drugs are dangerous, and only idiots do them.

(2) Rusted metal actually doesn't give you tetanus, but because most rusted metal is outside (you know, rain… corrodes metal…), where there is the chance of getting tetanus, the myth originated that way. Or something like that.

Also, I would like to note that excessive use of alcohol destroys your health, your life, your sanity, and your kidneys.

Oh, and I've never drunk an alcoholic beverage. So if the drunken people in my story make no sense (or sound like n00bs), it's because I have no experience with alcohol. (Seriously, why I'm doing this story, I have no idea… ) XD


	5. Tortuous SelfInflicted Humiliation

**Disclaimer:** I've said it before, I'll say it again: I don't own Naruto (or anything else I might quote).

**A/N**: Sorry about it being sort of short… The next part is a real pain in the ass, and I decided to be lazy and do it separately (since it needs _a lot_ more effort and planning), even though its probably only going to be around three pages.

Gahh. Well, at least I have something to look forward to: after that chapter will be the epilogue/official ending, which was actually (after the initial scene of Sakura meeting Kakashi in the hospital) one of the first scenes I thought up of this story.

But! To make up for shortness, I did a quick omake! XDXD

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**Your Saving Grace**  
_By celinae_

**Chapter 4: Tortuous Self-Inflicted Humiliation**

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Three hours later, and Sakura's mind still ran in circles.

_H-he kissed me! A-and he's my old sensei! And he's old! And smehxy! And that was so wrong! And h-he kissed me!_

_It must have been that pocky I ate for lunch_, Sakura thought. _He _must_ have gotten distracted the strawberry smell remaining on my lips, so recently traversd by pocky._

_Mmm, Strawberry Pocky… Although that Chocolate Mousse Pocky thing that my grocery store has just started stocking was really good…_

_Mmm, Chocolate Mousse…_

_I like the Almond Crush, too… Mmm… White Chocolate… White…_

_Kakashi…_

_Kissed…_

_Oh, goddammit. _

_What the hell is so great about me, anyway? I drink, I heal, I live (albeit in the past). He could easily snag someone like Ino, who, though she's probably just as messed up as I am, is definitely cuter and more interesting. (Hell, if he was interested in younger girls, she could probably pull off a "Lolita" look better than me.)_

_So first, and foremost, we have the problem of whether he actually likes me,_ the logical side of Sakura's brain argued.

_Well, I did tell Hinako to give him some pretty nasty sleep aids, so it could have been just the medication talking_, the non-logical side replied cheerfully.

_Hey, you! Non-Logical Side! SHUT THE HELL UP._

The Logical Side coughed, and continued with her Inner Rant. _Then, of course, we have the problem of whether that kiss even meant anything. Taking the … Non-Logical Side's point of decision-affecting medication, we could assert that the kiss was nothing, just a spur-of-the-moment, but-damn-do-I-regret-it-now, since-that-could-have-been-misinterpreted, and-gah-I-won't-be-able-to-face-her-ever-again, kind of thing. (Except it's more likely that he'd probably get a kick out of tortuously humiliating me.)_

_Though it could have meant something else entirely. After all, isn't a kiss like that usually defined as "an expression of sexual desire?"_

_…_

_Don't tell me…_

_That Kakashi__ wants to_ sleep _with me._

Both sides of Sakura's Brain were silent in a rare moment of mutual shock.

_W-w-what?_

_…Is that even possible!_

_Well, he probably knows about my little secret admiration of his Divine Limbs (nobody should have legs and arms so smehxy, and that hair… Gahh… excuse me a moment while I faint in mere remembrance…). So maybe he thought that it was a while since he got laid (and according to Ino, it has been a while), and that I would be "easy."_

_GAHHH._

_Every possible ending of this situation implies a horrible embarrassment on my part, and really, why, oh why, did this have to be one of those days where I can't stomach any alcohol?_

_I mean, I tried champagne, and a martini, and then some Chardonnay, but it all tasted oily and rancid going down my throat, and I couldn't even bear to sniff the whiskey. And this is a time when nothing would better than to forget, or at least flush it away for a little while longer._

_Geez. I'd take sleeping pills, but it's snowing._

And yes, snowflakes fell in the sky over Sakura's balcony awning for the first time in many, many years.

Sakura dimly remembered snow from her childhood, when she had been three or four years old, right before she entered the Ninja Academy. Her mother had held her hand as they watched the snowfall, and taught her how to make snow angels in the few inches that covered the ground.

But this time, as it turned to night, the continually falling rain froze into sleet-like snow. Earlier in the market, buying instant ramen for dinner, Sakura had overheard a housewife talking, and learned that Fire Country cold enough to freeze water because of winds that carried over from the blizzards in the North and West.

Considering this, she shouldn't have been sitting outside, covered in only a woolen blanket, but Sakura's Brain was still in Meltdown condition, and not likely to get out of that rut until she fell asleep. And really, it was nice to sit outside (even if it was chilly) and watch the snow, the droplets of white fading the dark night sky into a cloudy charcoal gray.

A streetlamp not too far off stained the snowflakes a pale yellow color, and Sakura found herself mesmerized by the path traced by each little fleck of ice, as they continuously fluttered down to rest on the earth. It had been so long since she had seen snow, so there was something miraculous, almost nostalgic about it, and she couldn't bring herself to do something as petty as take a sleeping pill.

Despite the cold that seeped into her woolen blanket, she found herself gently lulled to sleep, drawing the blanket over her face as she closed her eyes.

And even though she let herself fall asleep to forget about Kakashi, thoughts of him still followed her into her dreams.

XXX

_Now, now, Kakashi-sensei, you shouldn't sit on that poor piggy._

He looked up and smirked, bouncing up and down. _But it's such a nice piggy! And sitting on it feels like sitting on pork, see?_

_It is pork, isn't it?_

_Nope, it's White Chocolate Pork Crush Pocky._ He reached under him and tore away a piece of pocky, and moaned as he licked it.

_Ooh, that sounds yummy, Kakashi-sensei! Can I try it?_

_Only if you can make me scream like a banshee_, he said, winking his Sharingan eye, his mask falling off onto the ground. Sakura stepped forward, and slipped on it, tripping over the piggy (which darkly muttered, _Dobe_).

And ended up in Kakashi's lap. With her lips on his mouth.

He tasted cold, like ice and smoke, and pine, and as he moved his mouth down the line of her chin, Sakura shivered.

And then he pushed her away, and screamed like a banshee.

XXX

Startled, Sakura woke up to harsh, shrill screaming.

_Oh._

_Ooh, no._

_Don't tell me—_

_Those blasted manufacturers did put legs_, she thought with a vague sense of horror.

"It's a bloody living animal," she muttered, and then tried to stand up, in order to throw the sakura over the balcony (even though now that she knew it could move on its own, she knew it wouldn't do anything to stop it).

_But, I don't feel _my_ legs…_

And then, finally, realized that she was frozen into three feet of snow.

Sakura cursed and shoved aside the snow covering her blanket, and then hurriedly stomped inside, making sure to lock the sakura out.

_Ino really is evil,_ Sakura mused as she took a quick hot shower, and then put on a dry change of her usual clothes. She didn't bother with her normal cereal, instead opening a new package of instant pork ramen (briefly she wondered why she felt the vaguest sense of déjà vu when she thought about pork…), and ate that as she sped on the slippery, snow-laden rooftops.

_I mean, why else would she buy me an alarm clock that has legs, so if I throw it out, or lock it somewhere, it will still be able reincarnate itself to wake me up at five forty-five every morning?_

Sakura paused, and then growled. _And, seriously, _I_ do not scream that loud!_

XXX

_No._

_I'm not thinking about it, _of course!

_I am not going to even contemplate trying to check on Kakashi._

_No, I'm not._

Of course_ I'm not._

_GAHHH._

_Half of the day already gone_, Sakura noted, standing in front of Kakashi's door. Not that she was going to go in, _of course_.

Her hands shook, and Sakura felt the déjà vu again, creeping up on her. I_'m just going to go in and out. Murmur some stuff; feel him up, and then—_

_Whoa, whoa! _

_Did I just—_

…

_…I'm turning into a pervert._ (Inner Sakura started sobbing in the background.)

_Kami-sama, save me, please!_ With this final prayer, she opened the door and froze in shock.

For, once again, Kakashi had completely outclassed her.

The bed was empty, the sheets folded neatly, and not a sign, not even his medical forms, remained in the sterile white hospital room. Light poured in through the gauzy white curtains, falling onto the pale yellow linoleum, which had probably been cleaned by the staff once the room was empty again.

Sakura's hands trembled, and she clutched the doorknob desperately. _It couldn't mean that he died… After all, his injury wasn't that serious… And it had been all right for two days, though he still needed a few weeks to heal completely. Aya couldn't have discharged him already, since she was the one who lectured me on the importance of rest after trauma._

Quickly, she ran to the front desk, dodging the nurses and doctors who curiously peered at her as she sped by. There, Aya happened to be leaving for another operation, after checking in with the secretaries behind the desk.

Breathless, she skidded to a stop in front of Aya, who looked down at her and reached out to steady her shoulder.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked, her voice full of urgency and concern. Sakura suddenly felt foolish, running around the hospital for _him_. But she couldn't deny that she needed to know…

_Because if another one of them had died…_

"K-kakashi-sensei…" she choked out, gasping for air. Aya sighed in relief.

"Hmph, I thought it was something serious this time. Tsunade discharged him."

"WHAAT!" Sakura screeched. "T-that old HAG!" Aya froze in surprise, watching Sakura mutter curses violently as she ran out of the hospital.

"S-sakura! You insane girl, get back here!" she yelled after her, but it was too late.

XXX

For once Tsunade's office was empty, so Sakura didn't feel guilty about barging in with her characteristic chakra-punch.

"Tsuunaadee-sennseeii!" she shrieked, waking up the drooling woman who lay draped over the piles of paper on her desk.

"Ehhh?" she murmured, rubbing the grit from her eyes. "Where's … that idiot … supposed to … Oh, Sakura-chan!"

"Why'd you discharge him when he's only been healing for two days? And he had a HOLE in his stomach, Tsunade-sensei; he should have rested for at least a week longer, since my healing skills aren't that good yet. A-and, now he's going to go off, and probably screw up his wound again, and this time, when the blood doesn't clot well, he'll have to stay in the hospital even longer, maybe even suffer serious damage!"

Tsunade blinked wearily. "Huh? Are you talking about Kakashi?"

"Yes!" said Sakura.

"You're giving me a headache," Tsunade muttered, rubbing the bridge of her nose and exhaling. "He had to do a mission, and I couldn't spare anyone else."

"Even though he still needs to recover from such a dangerous injury?"

"Well, when Sasuke summons him, there isn't much of a choice, isn't there?"

"That's it! I am SOO going after that idiot!" Sakura exclaimed, putting her hands on the desk and leaning forward.

"Sakura—" said Tsunade, exasperated, but Sakura interrupted her.

"You haven't given me a mission in months, and although I'm duly grateful, this time I would like to request one. In case of Kakashi being made unable to defeat Sasuke, I would like to be part of the team to complete his mission, and treat any injuries," Sakura said, her back straightening with every formal word.

Tsunade smiled, sadly. "I had hoped to spare you, you know."

"I know, but this time, I—" she replied, but her voice cracked and she couldn't say it. She could feel it, the wall she had put to stop herself from thinking about it.

_To stop herself from even wondering if she liked him back._

Tsunade paused, looking at Sakura's blushing face and downcast eyes, then sighed. "Alright, Haruno Sakura, you are allowed to go on a mission to recover Hatake Kakashi, in case of injury or death as he completes his mission to kill Uchiha Sasuke, missing nin and S-class criminal. Are there any others you would like to be part of your team?"

Sakura thought a moment, rifling through her book of acquaintances, and was about to propose a few candidates when she heard a familiar voice that made her freeze.

"Hey, Tsunade-baa-chan, can I come along, too?"

"Naruto," Sakura said under her breath, as Tsunade cursed and clenched her teeth in anger. And yes, there he was, perched on the windowsill in ANBU uniform, smiling jauntily and swinging a bloody kunai.

_Shit, shit, shit_, was all Sakura could think, as she stared into his angry red eyes.

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**A/N**: Next Chapter: Find Out What Happens When Sakura Gets Pissed Off At A Certain White Haired Individual!

**OMAKE XD**

celinae: Kakashi-chan, I'm inviting you to my exclusive Bishies Harem.

Kakashi: … (sweatdrop)

celinae: Eh? IS THAT A NO!

Kakashi: … (sweatdropsweatdrop)

celinae: You don't know what you're missing! Yesterday, I made Byakuya-kun kiss Touya-kun… Gahh! I-it was amaazing… (sparklesparkle) (emotional teardrop)

Kakashi: Um… celinae-sama?

celinae: Haiii? (sparkle)

Kakashi: Um… could you stop stealing my Icha-Icha Paradise book?

celinae: W-what d-d-did y-you say? I SO DID NOT STEAL THAT PERVERTED BOOK.

Kakashi: (blank stare)

celinae: It … err… IwasreadingitwhileIwasdrawingandIgotaninksplotonthepageandthen-- (deep breath) ItriedtowashitbutthenIdroppedthebookintothetoilet. (sweatdrop)

Kakashi: ... CHIDORI!


	6. Delusions and Denial

**Disclaimer**: Do I look like a certain Japanese, male manga-ka? No. So go away.

**A/N**: Gomen nasai… I'm sorry this chapter took so long! The thing is, the real life is caught up to me.

Yeah. XDXP

This chapter doesn't have a lot of humor/angst, but at least it's the last plotsy-chapter before the end::celinae twitches: Finally, finally, this little drawn-out story will be done! XD

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**Your Saving Grace**  
_By celinae_

**Chapter 5: Delusions and Denial**

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_.. Pathetic. _

_You push it away, gripe at it, pretend you're crazy, but that doesn't mean that you are. And you'll sit in the dark surrounded by fake light and pretend nothing's wrong, that you're perfect and you don't feel that empty pulsing right above your heart._

_The empty pulsing that you think will be solved by a single touch, a single rush of warmth and belonging. But you don't belong._

_Not here, not anywhere, because the ghosts of a past you never had keep bothering you, and you simply sit and wonder when it stopped being you and started being only your story. _

_Only the past, the past, the future, and all of the problems you can't solve in between. _

_You can't run away from them, and you can't pat yourself on the back, and you can't try to forget, or divert yourself, because that's not how it works._

_You just… have to accept it._

_XXX_

Naruto rarely, nowadays, got angry enough to willing take on Kyuubi's characteristics. (Although Sakura had heard that every time he fought, he used a mix of his and Kyuubi's chakra, but that's a different story, of course.)

And, quite frankly, just by looking into his bloody eyes, Sakura felt like she was going to wet her pants in fear.

Naruto had, in the nearly nine years she'd known him, grown so much that medic-nin Haruno Sakura, who had been taught by the Sennin Tsunade for five years, and was destined for medical heights nobody denied (except, well… everybody), was _nothing _against Naruto. So she stood frozen as Naruto came into the room near the desk, with a red aura almost visibly radiating from him, and a phantom scent of blood in the air.

But he turned away his blazing glare to Tsunade, who met him head-on with a weary gaze.

"You were talking about Sasuke, am I correct?"

Tsunade tensed, and broke eye contact briefly to sift through the files on her desk. Sakura had never seen her so nervous, not even in front of the Council Elders. "…Yes."

"What the fuck is_ that! _You kept quiet over something about Sasuke, afraid that I'd blow up and start trying to kill myself again? You _bitch_," he snarled, slamming his fists down on the table.

But just as he was about to stalk away Tsunade looked up coldly into his eyes, freezing him to the table. "I didn't tell you because I knew you were going to blow up and try to kill yourself, just like you're going to now. I'm right, _aren't_ I?" she sneered, her face twisted in anger.

Naruto's face tightened, and Sakura felt a slight tug on her heart. They argued, oblivious to her presence, and Sakura could have left already and avoided the inevitable bloodshed. Still, she couldn't tear her gaze away from the Naruto in front of her; a Naruto who was older than just 20 years, and whose face was marred with suffering.

_I don't even recognize him… Except for his yellow hair, but even then it's a stretch to connect this… this anger and dark redness to the fake-smile Naruto…_

"Besides, he's alive," Tsunade said, cutting through her thoughts. Sakura refocused her eyes on Naruto's expression, which had suddenly turned pale underneath his tan.

"Do you still want to go on Sakura's mission?" Tsunade asked, staring intently at him. Naruto had started to lean back, clutching his stomach. He nodded weakly.

"I thought so. And you'll probably go and get yourself—"

Naruto smirked and turned away, dripping blood on the wooden floor. "Everybody has to die, Tsunade-chan, and they won't all die because of a necklace." Tsunade's face looked so shocked, but Sakura thought it couldn't be because of Naruto's rudeness…

"You brat, speak for youself," she spat, and Naruto looked back over his shoulder with an even wider smirk, and then shut the door behind him.

The room was silent after he left; Sakura was too frightened to even breathe. Tsunade rested her head on the table, sighing, and Sakura could almost see the tears brimming on the edges of her eyes. But she couldn't bear to see Tsunade cry in front of her, so she cleared her throat.

"… Ahh, um, Tsunade-sensei?"

She lifted her head off of the table. "Sakura, you're still here? Try to find another medic nin, you're leaving in an hour."

"Yes, I understand."

"You're dismissed."

XXX

Aya had started to yell at her for ditching her job when Sakura came back to the hospital, but for once Sakura was just too tired to be frightened. Kakashi was out in the world (well, more like in the forest surrounding Konohagure), and about to die from Sasuke's vengence; Naruto was marching out to save Kakashi, but with his own deathwish; the snow had left disgusting puddles in the street, and someone's bike had splashed sewage water over her vest; Sakura had a freaking headache; and everyone stared at her in the hallways like she was a weirdo.

_Jesus… when the shit hits the fan, it really splatters everywhere. _

"…and you can't just abandon your job, the hospital depends on you, and—"

And she couldn't waste time listening to this old hag babble on and on about responsibility when she had two idiots and a drenched vest to save.

"Look, Aya-sensei, I understand that it wasn't a good idea to run off like that, but" --_I've got a man to save, I've got a man to kill, I've got a man to stop_—"I have an urgent mission to complete, issued by Tsunade-sama, and this lecture is taking up time in which I need to prepare."

Aya twitched and grumbled, but she finally shut up, and Sakura continued with her real motive.

"The thing is, Aya-sensei, I need another medic nin to come along on my S-class mission, so if you could recommend someone…?"

Aya sat down in the chair behind her desk and started massaging her temples. "Well, Tezuka-kun and Aizen-kun are in surgery, and Oishi is on a mission already… maybe Eiji… no… Ah! What about… Hinako-kun?"

"H-hinako?" stuttered Sakura. For Hinako had been "Kakashi-chan's" nurse, and, well… It was one thing to leave an injured Kakashi with the freak, but to leave him possibly unconscious in her care was another. Still, Sakura was going to be there and supervise… And even though she had misgivings about the whole "Kakashi-chan" thing, it wouldn't kill him if, theoretically, Hinako had to patch up some gushing hole in his chest?

_Gaah._

But then, refusing Hinako just because she might have an attraction to Kakashi was embarrassing to explain, especially since it wasn't Sakura's right to decide who got to have a relationship with him.

And_—and… wasn't this called… _

…_Jealousy? _

_GWAAH. I really, really need to stop, because I am digging a hole for myself, here!_

"Umm… okay," she answered, since she really didn't have a choice.

Besides, Hinako wouldn't _really_ be incompetent, right? And Sakura _would_ be there to supervise, right?

_Right._

XXX

After grabbing her portable medic kit from her hospital locker, she met up with Hinako at the entrance of the hospital. The pretty brunette was wearing the standard mission camouflage for non-nin—a green splotched pair of pants and button-up shirt—but the usually baggy and ill-fitting uniform fit her form like a glove.

It made Sakura feel frumpy and fat in her jounin vest (she had changed her sewage-soaked vest with a spare one she kept for emergencies at the hospital) and sweat-soaked khakis. _Not that a half-dead Kak—_

_Oooh, no. First, you rant about being jealous, then you start to rant about wanting to impress Kakashi. Seriously, he's just your aging sensei! _

_Nothing. More. _

_And never will be, despite that one kiss, despite the past you share._

She brushed past Hinako to go outside, who looked confusedly after her. But there were too many thoughts swirling around in Sakura's head to even process the dirty looks Hinako was sending her, so she didn't think twice about glancing back impatiently to demand that Hinako hurry up.

"We've got to meet Naruto-ku—" Sakura paused, remembering that Naruto was almost Hokage now, and as such, she could no longer call him so familiarly "—Naruto-san at the bridge in two minutes, so please walk more quickly!"

Hinako glared at her back, but stepped faster after Sakura, who absentmindedly wove through the crowd, counting the shuriken and kunai in her pockets. _Maybe I should have taken that shuriken string in my locker, considering that Sasuke _is_ an S-class criminal, after all._

_Ahaha. I am so screwed._

_Kakashi barely has a chance at him, and here I am, parading off to "save" his ass, although I barely have twelve kunai. That's enough to keep me alive for what, one minute and four seconds? (Possibly four and a half, if perhaps by some chance I can convince Hinako to act as a shield for me.) _

But she didn't have any more time for pessimistic predictions, because she was at the last bridge before the forest, and Naruto stood facing the water, away from them. He looked so weary, again. And the only thing Sakura could say, (_because she knew, and she was powerless because of it_) was,

"Hokage-sama." _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and I'm so stupid, and I couldn't do anything, and I forgot, and I'm sorry, sorry. I can't do anything, I can't—_

Hinako gasped, but then it was silent, and he stood there silently, for a single moment, while Sakura thought he hadn't heard what she said, hadn't heard her acknowledgement. But then, slowly, ever so slowly, he turned towards her and smiled.

Except this time it wasn't fake or forced. It was a sad smile, that was true, but it was with so many emotions besides, regret, relief, understanding. Unexpectedly, she found herself smiling back at him, in that single moment of peace.

_We're idiots, aren't we._

_Yes, we are._

XXX

Pretty soon, she found herself racing behind Naruto and Hinako in the trees, leaping automatically from branch to branch. There had been some disagreement over the order, but Naruto only had to glare at her once and Sakura shut up. Even though she wanted to be first, just to protect that one little word, Rokudaime, she knew Naruto could take care of himself better than she could. It made her feel, as usual, slightly worthless, but it didn't really matter now.

Not when suddenly they burst into a clearing, and the chakra in the air pulsed and pressed down on them.

…_déjà vu…_

And there—Sasuke, sasuke, turning around, and silver thread speeding towards her. She didn't have any time, didn't have a moment, but then _he _leaped out and there was blood in the air, covering her hands as he slammed into her.

"Why, hello again Sakura-chan. I hope you like this little return-gift," said Sasuke, but Sakura didn't even take notice that he had spoken to her.

"Kakashi, Kakashi, are you okay?" she remembered asking, but he groaned, clutching his shoulder, where the shuriken had imbedded itself. Quickly she yanked it out and pressed her palm over the gash to staunch the blood flowing out of it, and then summoned up a small amount of healing chakra with her other hand to place it onto the cut. But even after the skin had turned to a pale pink, and the only blood that remained was soaked into his vest, Kakashi still didn't get up, and Sakura realized that Kakashi had passed out from fatigue and blood loss of his other injuries.

"Baka," she muttered under her breath, completely forgetting about Hinako, who sat unsteadily behind her and watched the action, even forgetting about the impending confrontation between Sasuke and Naruto…

"Sasuke," Naruto grunted, but he didn't move, watching the dark figure.

"My, my, Kyuubi-chan, what a pleasure it is to see you," said a soft, slithering voice, and the man suddenly too happy, the smile wrong on that face. It was supposed to be scowling, dark, handsome, not—

"You're not Sasuke."

Sharp, high laughter. "No, I'm not. I bet you're shocked, Kyuubi-chan. Yes, they didn't tell you the truth for… five years, was it?"

"Teme… why'd you take over Sasuke's body!"

"You know the answer already, Kyuubi-chan."

And as she was trying to wrap bandages around Kakashi's numerous wounds, Sasuke… No, Orochimaru belched fire, and even though Naruto could easily avoid it, Sakura couldn't move fast enough… She covered Kakashi's face with her body, her lips pressed up against the cracked button of a vest pocket, and the fire was eating up her air—

She couldn't breathe, and the blood-splotched forest green of Kakashi's vest was swallowed up by darkness.

XXX

Up to that moment, she had forgotten.

_It was five, no, three years ago, wasn't it?_ And here she was now, still stuck on her memories.

XXX

Three years ago, Tsunade had assigned her to the recovery mission of one Uchiha Sasuke. Then, it had been exactly two years since the disappearance of Sasuke from the Sound headquarters. They told her, and the two ANBU that made up her team, that Sasuke had reportedly engaged in a battle with his older brother, Itachi, along the borders of the Stone country.

She had asked Tsunade why she didn't send Naruto instead, but Tsunade looked away with a drawn expression on her face, and answered, "I can't trust Naruto to do this kind of mission. Besides, you're the best medic nin I can spare, Sakura, and one will definitely be needed."

The Stone country was planning to place the blame on Konoha for any damage caused by the battle, so Tsunade was especially tense, for they were placing the upholding of the treaty between the two countries on the line.

"It's no use to try to tell them that Sasuke stopped being our responsibility five years ago, and had voluntarily decided to become a Sound nin, while Itachi had cut any ties to our village when he slaughtered one of our most important clans," said Tsunade, her brows furrowed. "Those idiots have been itching for a reason to go to war against us, so we have to be careful to keep everything quiet.

"Not that they'll overlook this, anyway," she said, a small smile flickering, and then disappearing from her face, "but whatever you three can do will mean a short, tense squabble between the Elders of the villages over renewed negotiations, rather than a long and protracted war that would eventually split the Countries apart."

It was one of the worst missions that Sakura had gone on, as they had to travel a relatively long distance in a short amount of time, as well as take care of particularly difficult conditions. Their orders were to kill Sasuke in the case that he won the battle, kill Itachi if he won, or, if the battle still continued, then to either minimize the damage or wait until one of the two brothers killed the other. Sakura didn't like the sound of it, but Tsunade had never given her such an important task before, so she was going to give her all in proving that the past five years of tutelage had not been for naught.

The next three days were a blur of cold, nutrition-packed endurance food, and long treks through the lush forests of Konoha and the stony mountains of Iwa. By the end, when they had finally reached the designated battle area, Sakura was running on packets of sugar, luke-warm bottles of caffeine, and soldier pills, so it was with first relief when she realized that they finally got to their destination.

Then, of course, she felt the faint, shivering pangs of horror and dread. Here she was, being forced to possibly _kill_ her former teammate, and one-time crush, and even if she hadn't seen him in five years, and had forgotten what he ever meant to her, he was _still_—

The two ANBU tensed next to her, and Sakura paused in finishing off the final bottle of gross lukewarm coffee to look up.

In front of them stood a dripping dark figure, who slowly moved closer to them from the shade. As his features came into view, Sakura felt a sickening sense of terror at the sadistic smile that was twisted on Sasuke's face, the blood that dripped from his face and body to be soaked up into the ground.

"You're… Orochimaru…" murmured Sakura, trying to desperately to hide her revulsion. She was a chuunin! A medic nin, damnit, used to blood and guts, and worse things besides. But that still didn't stop her shivers at the bloody mess sprayed over his clothing, at his cruel and callous grin.

She was a ninja, and she had known many worse foes, but this one—with the face of someone she remembered so well, with the smile that warped and twisted her returning memories—struck fear within her heart.

"Hmm, I'm surprised you remember me. I was hoping you'd think that I'm Sasuke, but I guess that my soul is too inconspicuous in his body."

The two ANBU were silent, and then suddenly they fell down, both dead in a moment too fast for Sakura's eyes to follow, their blood arching upwards towards her.

"Heh… You're wondering, perhaps, why I didn't kill you yet, if I could kill them so easily?"

Sakura didn't even dare to nod, her limbs shaking. _She was going to die, going to die, and she still had to prove to Tsunade…_

"It's because this body still remembers your face. You know why that's so funny, Sakura-chan?" Orochimaru slinked closer, his arms winding around her neck, bloody fingers sliding against her pale skin.

"Because Sasuke died three years ago, in the moment you forgot him. You may be shocked, yes, but the fact is, there is no remnant of Sasuke in this body after my soul had taken it over. The only remainder of Sasuke lies in your memory, and you forgot him, so he's dead," he sighed into her ear, his snake voice slinking, sliding into her mind so vividly.

"You killed him," he murmured, his bloody lips sliding against the shell of her ear, and then she gasped as his fingers tightened around her neck.

Frantically, she reached for the string of kunai looped around her knee, but her hand instead stung itself on the edge of a shuriken she tied to the edge of her vest. Shuddering and choking, her hand grasped the shuriken, and she thrust it into his chest, hoping desperately that it would hit something vital.

As Orochimaru's fingers loosened from her neck, she stepped away, running as fast as she could to somewhere safe, even though she knew that it was impossible to hide from the ghosts of the past.

XXX

Tsunade had sent another team to clean up any mess, and they had found Sakura, bloody and shaking, in a small crevice not too far from where they found "Sasuke's" body. Assuming the few body parts to Itachi's, and the mangled carcass to be Sasuke's after the ANBU and Sakura had finished him off (while a trap had killed the ANBU in an accident, and Sakura had run away in shock).

That was what was said in the mission report, but Tsunade was the only one who knew that Sakura had actually finished Orochimaru off. They never told Naruto the truth, either, except that Sasuke had died in the scuffle between himself and Itachi.

XXX

_Why did I forget? _

_Wouldn't I have remembered that awful sense of guilt as I watched his face, wouldn't I remember the reason why I couldn't stop thinking about Sasuke all these years?_

_I can't, I couldn't let him die, because I had forgotten him, and Sasuke was—_

_I can't, I _loved_ him._

_Even if it was in the past, he still deserves to live on, not be memorialized and then forgotten because of the choices he made._

_I…_

XXX

She woke up with tears in her eyes, and the truth in her throat.

_You just…_

XXXX

**A/N:** Just a hollah to Keruri1, whom I stole the Orochimaru-ness of this chapter from.

There's also a small plotsy thing that will appear later on that was also "influenced" :cough: by her amazing story (and her plot and the angst and the story! Is just OMFG SO AMAZING :sobsob:)

**Next Chapter: **

_Kakashi:_ Oi! Don't! You! Dare! Call! Me! KAKASHI-CHAN, CELINAE!

_celinae:_ Eheh…


	7. And All That's Left Is

**Disclaimer:** Once upon a time, my mom actually gave me an allowance. XD

**A/N**: I'm sorry for taking such a long time to get this out—towards the end of the school year, I became a manga editor for Kawaru-Enishi, and then I REALLY had to study for Finals XD, and then I went to math camp for three weeks (where I didn't have internet access). I know I said I had bits and pieces of this written out, but when I finally sat down to it, I realized I actually only wrote about two pages (out of nearly ten).

I put the epilogue in the next chapter because I thought it looked better. XD

Well, here it is… the End. Enjoy!

XXXX

**Your Saving Grace**_  
By celinae_

**Chapter 6: And All That's Left Is**

XXXX

Yes… one day, three years ago, she had killed a man. It didn't matter that now he was alive again, or that he was trying to kill the past, but that _she _had killed _him_ once.

She had forgotten…

Which was strange, because something like that she shouldn't have forgotten so easily.

_Maybe the truth was too bitter to always remember,_ and it made sense. Maybe the reason she could never stop obsessing about Sasuke was because the answer was hidden deep inside herself, and she never had the strength to reach in and dig it out.

She found herself reminded of a story she had once heard. A monk had been tempted by a girl from a village next to his monastery, and indulged in one night of sin. When his secret was found out, the monk was forced to beat himself every morning and night to repent.

_Until blood ran down his hands, until he could not speak to God for the pain._ All for one night of pleasure and decay; of giving into creeping, dark emotions.

Maybe he had been trying to erase it from his skin, until he never saw his sin again.

_Was it useless? _

Sakura felt pity for the fallen monk, and for herself.

XXX

When she awoke, the light creeping into her room was gray and diluted. She yawned and stretched across the narrow bed, trying to ease out the knots in her stiff shoulders, until the pain hit. Lightheaded, she reached up to her arm and inspected the bandage wrapped around it.

There were bandages wrapped around both of her arms and hands, and on some of her torso. Sakura supposed that most of them were burns from Sasuke's fire jutsu, which she still cursed herself for being caught by.

_Being distracted by memories… and Kakashi… is no excuse for passing out because of such an elemental jutsu!_

She reached up with her thick, gauze-covered hands and discovered her hair had been shorn off to barely an inch long, and twitched. She didn't really mind about getting scars, since she was a ninja, and ninjas inevitably got scars, but she was a bit peeved about her hair.

_A cruel way to tell me that my past is truly gone_, she thought, and smiled sadly to herself, remembering who she had once been.

XXX

The next time she awoke, a nurse was leaning over her, and she remembered all the times she herself had done just the same. Smiling numbly at the patient, exchanging brief, unfeeling conversation, putting the tap water and bottle of meds on the counter.

She wanted alcohol, but the nurse pushed her back down, complacently, and told her that she shouldn't move yet. After Sakura gulped down the pain killers and the nurse left again, she threw the covers off and stared at the ceiling.

She wanted a distraction, because there was no way she'd be able to survive the next week without anything to do but memorize the constellation of cracks before her eyes, and swallow pills.

She wanted Kakashi to come and smile enigmatically, to sit in the corner and read Icha Icha Paradise while she fumed and glanced at him secretly. She wanted him to come closer to her bed while she looked nervously away, she wanted him to reach out and touch delicately the skin of her neck. She wanted him to bend over and kiss her, and then ease himself on top of her and kiss her some more.

She wanted him so much until she knew that she needed him, that it didn't matter whether he wanted her back, nor that what she felt might be something beyond lust. Just that he was there.

_stupid, so stupid_

So when she woke up two days later to silver eyes, she was speechless with desire.

XXX

"K-kakashi?"

He smiled stiffly. "Yo."

Sakura felt herself relax with relief, but couldn't stop the dull pound of cold in her heart.

_stupid, can't believe how_

"So you healed faster than I did," and it wasn't really a question, just an observation, but Sakura still felt her uncertainties hovering beneath the skin of words.

"You healed most of my injuries before, and shielded me from the fire jutsu, so that's probably why."

Sakura couldn't say anything to this, so she remained silent, until another question blossomed in her mind.

She started shaking.

"A-and… Sasuke—" she choked out, her eyes wet with tears she would not shed, because she wanted to forget, but crying meant—

And crying meant that everything was hopeless, that she could never, ever get past the cycles of self-hatred and denial—

_stupid and_

"He's alive," Kakashi said finally, while tears silently spilled down her cheeks. Sakura wasn't sure if he noticed it or not, but she didn't care, even though she needed him so much…

"It's just…" he faltered. "He's not really alive, either."

_despicable i am—_

XXX

She lay there crying long after Kakashi had left, and felt so spoiled for allowing herself to cry. Ninjas never did that, but she wasn't really a ninja, was she? Sakura didn't feel like sleeping, even though she was tired, so she spit the pills into her hand when the nurse wasn't looking.

At night she waited until the nurses' shifts changed, and then snuck out into the hall. It still hurt to move, but she knew that by now, she could walk around a little, as long as she didn't overexert herself.

Besides, she needed to find him. Just to make sure.

Sakura didn't know exactly what she wanted to check, but she wanted to feel like a delinquent for once, so she kept going until she found his room. Swallowing nervously, she glanced down the hall to check for any meandering nurses, and then quickly opened the door and rushed in as fast as she could.

The room was dark, though some moonlight rushed in between the curtains. On the bed she could see a dark shape breathing steadily, and came closer to check if it was the right person. She knelt by the bed and reached out to touch a pale cheek, and found her hand caught by Naruto's.

He was awake, but he looked exhausted and old. Band-aids and small bandages were visible on most of his limbs, but it looked like nothing was too serious. But is it just me, or does his hair seem white? Sakura thought.

She smiled awkwardly. "Hi, Naruto." He didn't smile back, and instead looked into her eyes for a long, empty moment.

"Sa—"

Finally Sakura discerned tears dripping from his eyes, and for a second, she was at a loss for what to do.

_Would it be okay, if I… held him? Am I allowed to do that, will it do him any good? Will my arms help ease away some of his pain?_

_Or will he always, always be alone…_

Sakura's shoulder was wet where he had pressed his face against her hospital gown.

XXX

A few days later Ino visited her, and came with a bunch of tulips she placed in a vase by the window. Sakura felt the pity radiating off her in waves, but she didn't care, because Ino was the first visitor she'd had since Kakashi. She wasn't going to be picky, after such a long time with no human contact.

"Is it spring already?" Sakura asked, rising up on her elbows to look up at Ino. She sat in the only chair in the room, her hand stroking one of the tulip's petals.

"Ah. Well, these are a few of the tulips that I got in a shipment from farther south; it's already spring there. They're pretty, aren't they?"

Sakura smiled sadly. "You shouldn't have given them to me—this side of the building doesn't get a lot of light, so they'll die quickly."

Ino turned around to gaze at her, and then closed her eyes briefly in a grimace. Slowly, almost painfully, Ino stood up and walked over to Sakura where she lay in the bed, and then sat down at the foot of her bed.

"Sasuke died last night," she finally said, her voice cracking.

"They say he wasn't really alive anyway, that Naruto's jutsu had done more harm than good…"

"Ino," and it was that strange tone that caught her attention, because Sakura spoke with such a stiff, angry voice, "tell me what really happened that night."

And Ino took a deep breath and sighed.

XXX

_Naruto made a deal with the Shinigami, just like Yondaime did all those years ago. But instead of offering his own soul, Naruto offered the Shinigami the Kyuubi's. Although the Kyuubi had resisted, Naruto had eventually gotten the upper hand… Tsunade-sama said that she thought he used some seal he probably learned from Jiraiya, or from the Hokage's library._

_In return, the Shinigami took Orochimaru out of Sasuke's body. But Sasu—Orochimaru had been in Sasuke's body for so long that not much of the original him remained. Sasuke was a vegetable for nine days he lived, before his heart finally stopped._

_Naruto, on the other hand, still has a lot of the Kyuubi's chakra, since it was absorbed into his system as a result of the seal. But the whiskers are gone, and it seems like the Shinigami had taken away some of his happiness, too._

XXX

Sakura wondered if the Kyuubi was really the only price Naruto paid.

But she couldn't tell, because she didn't see Naruto or Kakashi until she was finally released from the hospital. Aya dropped by before her last breakfast to tell her she didn't need to come to work for a week, but Sakura didn't rejoice that much.

She wasn't sure about what she'd do to pass the time, because if Kakashi were interested in her he probably would have stopped by more often. She wanted to hate him so much, but she couldn't.

Sakura wasn't sure why, but then again she wasn't in the mood for dissecting herself. It was easier to push everything away, just like with Sasuke, in those endless moments waiting for her wounds to heal.

Except they never really did, did they?

XXX

It was a chilly morning in the beginning of spring when Haruno Sakura, age twenty-one, was woken up by her banshee-sakura alarm. Now, this may seem like an ordinary occurrence.

However, the truth was, Sakura was _pissed. _(And unusually pissed, at that.)

"You know what?

"You know what, you freaking, &!#ing #$$-headed piece of $? I AM TIRED OF ALL THIS &#-ING CRAP! I'M TIRED OF CONSTANTLY BEING EMO AND PMSING, I'M GODDAMN TIRED OF ALL THE STUPID #$-ING #$ THAT FATE'S BEEN HANDING ME! I SWEAR, I'M SO $#-ING ANNOYED OF ALL THIS $#!

"YOU KNOW WHAT?

"YOU KNOW WHAT? (DON'T YOU DARE STARE AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU GODDAMN PANSY-PETALED FLOWER!)

"AFTER BASHING YOUR #$-ING STAMEN IN, I'M GOING TO EAT BREAKFAST. SO GET OFF MY #$-ING ASS, YOU PIECE OF #$!"

Angrily, Sakura stabbed the floating pieces of cereal with her spoon.

_Hmph. They say the second stage of grief is anger_. Sakura looked up from her bowl to stare at the guts of the sakura alarm clock splattered all over her wall. _Well, my pet, my darling sakura flower, what do you have to say to that?_

_Mou, don't go saying that it wasn't your fault, because I can't hear a single word you're saying! NYAHAHA!_

Inner Sakura stared at the various demons cackling inside Sakura's head, and calmly remarked, "You've cracked."

_Hey, you're the reason I'm this insane. If you never existed, I probably wouldn't have been so obsessed with Sasuke in the first place._

"I'm sorry for being the psychological manifestation of your insanity, then!"

_Hey, Kami-sama, can you hear me? How 'bout we make a deal—you take this bat-shit crazy Inner Sakura away, and then we can erase the past eight years of misery from my memory, eyy?_

"Well, it looks like you won't have to suffer much longer—you've already progressed to the third stage—bargaining!" chirped Inner Sakura, and Sakura wanted to stab something.

_Gah, I want chocolate. Or pocky. Or chocolate pocky. Damnit, why does this kind of shit happen to me?_

"Because you're bat-shit crazy, my dear. It's in the definition."

_Yes, I guess… every shinobi has some sort of secret suffering. We wouldn't be shinobi otherwise—mindlessly killing people, throwing away things like pride, emotion, happiness for our village. And because of this suffering, we're all crazy._

"It looks like you understand the basics. I'm proud."

_Oh, shut it with your sarcasm. It doesn't befit you._

XXX

In the afternoon she stopped by the Yamanaka florists to buy a bouquet. Ino kept her eyes on her the whole time, but Sakura left a thin smile on her face and asked after her health. It was only on the way to the memorial that she let the smile drop from her face.

When she was finally there she took the lilies she bought and ripped the petals into pieces. The droplets of white swirled around her once and were borne away by the wind, disappearing into the forest around her. She reached out to touch one soft piece but it slipped from her fingers.

_So fragile,_ she remembered, and she wondered when she had stopped caring.

"You've already died once," Sakura finally said. "So I don't need to tell you everything again, you bastard. We all gave you a chance, and you left us—him, behind. Because of that, because of everything, you deserve to rot in hell, and I hope Satan has fun tearing your limbs apart, one by one."

It was the end of something, Sakura knew. _She wasn't ever—_

She wasn't ever going to cry because of those cold dark eyes again.

XXX

It was only after she turned her back to the grave that she noticed him standing there. For a moment, the only thing she could hear was the sound of the wind rushing through the branches of the trees, and the sound of birdsong far off.

And then he smirked. "Quite a nice eulogy you gave him."

"One he deserved."

"Ah. I guess the ripping of the lilies also represented your anger at him."

"He doesn't deserve flowers for what he did."

"And what exactly did he do? Enlighten me, I'm curious," with that stupid grin on his face, with that stupid, _stupid—_

She lunged forward, and he didn't have time to react as she reached to his neck and gripped the part where the mask met his skin. His pulse fluttered a bit beneath her fingers, as she stared into his one visible eye.

"He killed me. He killed Naruto!"

And in her mind's eye she saw the tears trickling down Naruto's moonlit face, felt the wetness against her shoulder. She saw the years she spent mourning over the glimpse of a man she never knew, or never really loved.

"We were innocent! And he destroyed us, because his insensible vendetta against the past."

And she saw Orochimaru in Sasuke's skin, saw the garbled last breaths of her comrades, saw the blood and remembered that breathless moment where everything was so sharp and painful.

Her hands were clutching the rough canvas of his vest, and with every word she shook her fists.

"He killed us, and now we're dead!"

Even though she had promised to herself that she wouldn't shed a tear, she found herself breaking down again. It was all because of him, Sakura knew. Kakashi seemed to destroy her walls as fast as she put them up.

She pitied herself, because again she was a teary, sobbing mess. Again, Sasuke made her cry, despite how many times she had cried already.

He was looking at her, staring right at her, but she couldn't meet his gaze.

"D-don't… don't look at me…" her grip slipping, her knees weakening so that she fell to the ground. Her hands grabbed at the dirt, while her tears dropped onto the ground and made little wet patches of mud.

The chilly breeze stung her wet cheeks, and then suddenly there was a canvas jounin vest squishing them. Sakura didn't want to look up, so she wound her arms around his waist.

"I—" she gasped, "I'm so…"

He just held her, and didn't say a word, so she cried, until she couldn't cry anymore.

_Please._

"Don't… let go," she muttered, when she could keep the tears out of her voice.

_Because I can't keep on pretending everything's fine._

"Okay," he said, his voice quiet and soft.

_Because I can't do this on my own._

He smelled faintly like sweat and aftershade, and even though it wasn't a sweet or fragrant scent, Sakura wanted to keep breathing it in.

_You know the truth, don't you?_

"What happened?" he asked, his hands shifting slightly on her back, rubbing up and down.

_So I don't need to tell you anything._

"I—" Sakura started to say, but tears filled her eyes and she couldn't finish her sentence. Gasping, she tightened her arms around his waist, her body closing the gap between them in an unconscious effort to burrow into his embrace. He smelled so comforting…

_Right?_

"Baka," he exhaled, reaching down to pull her chin up. "I'm your sensei, right? So tell me what's bothering you, or it'll hinder your progress."

Sakura twitched. Sniffling, she rubbed her nose with her hand and retorted, struggling to keep resentment out of her voice, "What progress? You're only my 'sensei' when it's convenient."

Kakashi smirked, and replied, "Hmm. Petulant, aren't we. Maybe you don't want me to be your sensei at all?"

A few tears dripped out of her eyes. "W-what else would you be, then?"

"How 'bout 'Kakashi-chan?'" he smirked, his hand swiftly wiping away the trails of salt water from her cheeks.

_Because you'll just… know._

"Kakashi-sensei," she said, trying the words on her tongue.

"Hm?"

"It works best, I think," she muttered to herself, her fingers twisting around the zipper to his vest, pulling it up and down.

He huffed. "So you think I'm too old to be Kakashi-chan?" Kakashi said, his hand stilling hers over the zipper.

"Not really. I mean, after all, even Hinako called you that," she muttered, turning her eyes away from his burning, playful ones, and pulling her fingers from his grasp.

Laughing, he tried to speak, but Sakura interrupted him, "Shut up, I know what's you're going to say, and I don't want to hear it."

It was silent again, and the wind blew fiercely, causing Sakura to snuggle closer to Kakashi's body heat. He chuckled, running his fingers through her hair, and Sakura shivered from the sensation of his hands sliding against the length of her pink locks.

"So… I'm your sensei, aren't I?" he murmured, more to himself then to her. He was smirking, that jerk, and Sakura couldn't suppress her twitching eyebrow as she wondered exactly what he was laughing at. _It's probably something perverted, isn't it,_ Sakura thought with a sinking feeling.

"Well, since you seem more than willing… and after all, there's not really much more I can teach you… How about I'm your sensei on sex?"

Sakura punched him.

_Yes, I'm sure you will. _

**Fin.**

XXXX


	8. Because of Him

**Disclaimer:** No, don't own 'em. 

**A/N:** Finally, the epilogue.

Just before it ends, I'd like to thank **everyone who's read my story**. This convoluted thing was really a physical representation of all of my emo-angst and ruminations for the past eight months, and I'm really, really thankful to you all for taking the time to read it, and even review it, and favorite it, and watch it… :) It's made me really happy to know that you guys like all this emo-crap! XD

I'd also like to thank, specifically:

**Ducky,** because without you as my rant-absorber, I wouldn't have been able to concoct the last few chapters of this story; **chiguu**, for beta-ing the first few chapters of my story, and pointing out all those little weird grammar things I missed; **Nyocchin**, for indirectly supplying me with the will to finally finish this; and **pocky**, for being such an unfailing inspiration throughout this story.

I have to concentrate on school these next few years, so after this I'm probably just going to stick with updating UnCT every once in a while, and maybe doing few oneshots.

XXXX

**Your Saving Grace**  
_By celinae_

**Epilogue: Because of Him**

XXXX

_So, will you be there in the morning?_

Yes.

XXX

Sometimes Sakura felt the weight of her portfolio of mishaps, mistakes, regrets, half-assed decisions and choices.

And… he loved her?

Haruno Sakura, medic nin, who lived most of her twenty-one years in the past, and could not face the future?

"I love you."

She didn't deserve it, she knew, even if he was messed up like her, and lazy, and destructive, and perverted.

"I love you."

She didn't deserve that one last chance at something else, not when Naruto and Sasuke and all the broken ninjas didn't have one (except through death).

Maybe they had been bound by a chain, or ensnared into some web they couldn't escape.

_mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest one of them all?_

Or maybe he was just there, and saw everything, even the things she wanted to forget, didn't want to ever live through again.

Although she despised herself for thinking of him as a savior, and despised herself for waiting at night for him to come back, and hated the way he knew her so well, she—

"I love you."

She loved him, too.

_And he, _

And he was her single saving grace.

XXX

_Nee, Kakashi… do you think fate brought us together?_

_(The moonlight shining down through the curtains on their entangled bodies, on the glimpses of skin beneath the sheets)_

Fate?

_Yes, I mean, how the past is sort of the reason for why we're here?_

_(Shifting, she sighs against his muscled chest; his hand on the small of her back, tracing invisible patterns)_

Sakura, Sakura, _that_ isn't fate.

_Well, then, what is it?_

Destiny.

_But, isn't that the same thing?_

XXXX


End file.
